Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
