i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
