new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
