Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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