would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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