I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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