i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Houston, we have a squirter
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We need to get me chipped asap
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
