Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
