if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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