So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
