She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
