The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
