Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
