it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
