Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
