Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
my liver is dry heaving
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
