i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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