Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
