I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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