how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
