Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
