Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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