if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
