At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Randomize
