I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
