i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
