I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
