I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
