i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
