Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
two words: eviction party
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
