My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
