Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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