He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And then my night got REAL pukey
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
