So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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