I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
