Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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