She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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