WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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