Do you still have your period?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm bleeding and have questions
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
