sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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