i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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