i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
