2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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