Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
