I'm jealous of your bromance
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
