she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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