Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
