Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
