You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't turn off my feet"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
