If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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