I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I want is dick and wine.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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