so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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