Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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