Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize