I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
