We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
