Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
