I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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