let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
