I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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