We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
