wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize