how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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