My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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