Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
