Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize