Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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