my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize