On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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