the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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