Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
