no, he came in my armpit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
