something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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