You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
