how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
