when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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