He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
