I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
