He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
