I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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