Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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