We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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