I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
