The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
