It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
