This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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