Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
