Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
