I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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