i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Farmville is her only friend.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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