Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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