Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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