me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
