I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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