Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
