It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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