sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
