She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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