She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We need to get me chipped asap
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
