i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
