I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
