This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dick has a subreddit
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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