evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
